Foolish Games
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: fic challenge- write a fic based on Jewel's Foolish Games. Luby
1. You're breaking my heart

"Wait, wait, Luka!" she called. Carter's eyes burned into her back,  
  
Abby's hair running down her shoulders."Luka!"  
  
The hospital had fallen silent, the only sound the soft patting of her  
  
shoes chasing him out the door."Luka!"  
  
The dark shadow stood at the corner, arms at his side.  
  
"Luka?"  
  
A taxi pulled along the curb, and the door opened.  
  
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You were always the mysterious one  
  
with dark eyes and careless hair,  
  
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care  
  
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say  
  
besides some comment on the weather  
  
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He had poured himself into the corner, arms across his chest.  
  
Abby sat with hands at her side, legs squeezed together. Trying hard   
  
to take up as little space as possible. Luka seemed so large right then.  
  
Like there was alot of him, long, endless legs. Maybe it was his shadow  
  
along the top of the car.  
  
Shaking, she reached out slowly, moved a piece of hair out of his  
  
eyes."Where are you going?"  
  
There was an akward silence. Then the taxi driver answered. "31st and   
  
Prime Street."  
  
Her hand had stopped on his cheek."You're going home?"  
  
"Just to get my things" his fingers rested against hers. Her hand fell limp  
  
into his."Then I'm going to the airport."  
  
Their hands lay inbetween the wide space between them. Luka's eyes looked  
  
out the window into the dark sky. Abby studied his profile.  
  
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Well in case you failed to notice,  
  
In case you failed to see,  
  
This is my heart bleeding before you,  
  
This is me down on my knees  
  
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By the time the car stopped, rain had started to drizzle.  
  
The door swung open, Abby folding her arms over her chest, watching.   
  
He slipped out of his coat, searching for his keys.  
  
"Right hand pocket" Abby said quietly. His hands shook, rattling  
  
filling their ears. Anything was welcome to the silence. "You always  
  
put them there".  
  
He nodded, walking away.  
  
The taxi driver turned around to look at her, and Abby slipped out of the  
  
car, placing her feet in his muddy footsteps.  
  
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You were always brilliant in the morning  
  
Smoking your cigarettes, talking over coffee  
  
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you,  
  
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones  
  
As I clumsily strummed my guitar  
  
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It was too familliar. The dark gray walls. Lights here, lamps there.  
  
She brushed her hand over the burgundy couch, her other hand smoothing  
  
over the maple countertop of his kitchen.  
  
His footsteps echoed up stairs, and into rooms. Slamming doors. His raspy  
  
breathes trying to catch up with his heart, that raced frantically in his  
  
chest.  
  
Abby held a small couch pillow to her face. She smelled his cologne.His  
  
hair gel. The incense she bought him a few Christmases ago. It smelled   
  
like his kitchen, coffee. Her face blushed as she threw the pillow down.  
  
Ashamed of her outwardly intimate gesture.  
  
From up top of the stairs, Luka looked away.  
  
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These foolish games are tearing me apart  
  
You thoughtless words are breaking my heart  
  
You're breaking my heart  
  
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His shoes sounded louder on the stairs. "My coat? My coat..."  
  
Abby pursed her lips,fingers shaking for a cigarette. "You left it in  
  
the cab".  
  
He seemed startled by her voice."You're still here?"  
  
"Do you want me...to go?" It felt too familliar, her heart racing deep in  
  
her throat, their eyes dodging each other. Abby took a deep breath, and   
  
opened the apartment door, waiting for him in the hall."What, Luka?'  
  
He shook his head."Nothing". Dodging her, her awaiting hand, he locked the  
  
door behind him, marching ahead of her.  
  
Abby watched as he turned into another giant charcoal colored shadow.   
  
A dark shadow phantom that still haunted her sometimes.  
  
The honking of the cab's horn caught her attenion.  
  
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You'd teach me of honest things  
  
Things that were daring, things that were clean  
  
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean  
  
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back  
  
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you  
  
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else  
  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
  
Somebody more like myself  
  
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"You should go back to work." Luka said quietly, looking into his hands.  
  
"Isn't Carter waiting for you, or something?"  
  
She cleared her throat. "Luka?"  
  
"We can't...you said..." words started to tumble out of his mouth, his eyes  
  
and cheeks lighting up to a bright, almost firery red."I can't do this."  
  
"Do what?" with Luka, Abby mouthed the words she was quite certain were going  
  
to come next.  
  
"Be your friend right now."  
  
"Why?" she said softly.  
  
Luka turned his head towards the window, watching the lights of the sky scrapers   
  
blend into one long tunnel of lights."Because this time I'm scared."  
  
Her sweaty palm rested on the pleather, his long hand shadowing hers.  
  
Abby closed her eyes.  
  
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These foolish games are tearing me apart  
  
You thoughtless words are breaking my heart  
  
You're breaking my heart  
  
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She hated the sound of planes. They always echoed in her head for days   
  
after. They reminded her of nausea, of motion sickness, of worry.   
  
Luka handed the woman at the desk his papers,nodded, and walked ahead of  
  
Abby, marching almost, like a lost solider going to be reunited with his  
  
unit.  
  
"Flight 304 to South Africa" rasped over the intercom.  
  
He turned around slowly, facing her like an akward boy. Abby smiled softly  
  
to herself.She could almost see him on his first day of kindergarten. Excitement  
  
and worry all mixed into one ansy ball of boy.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Tears sprung to her eyes then. He had a tone of voice that broke your heart.  
  
That shook up your insides and made you wish you had stability. Somewhere was  
  
safety. She walked to him slowly, whole body shaking.  
  
She fit perfectly in his arms. Her head rested against his chest, the sounds  
  
of the planes being washed away by the drumming where his heart was.  
  
"Take care of yourself" Luka kissed the top of her head, mumbling the words   
  
into her hair.  
  
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You took off your coat and stood in the rain  
  
you were always like that   
  
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"Flight 304 now boarding"  
  
Abby pressed herself against the glass, her heated cheek against the cool  
  
window. Rain kept falling, sky a thick gray carpet.  
  
She pressed her lips, looking around her. Children held onto the ankles of  
  
their mothers, crying for fathers who were shadows now, disappearing into  
  
the belly of the plane.  
  
Women hugging their stomachs, arms wrapped around themselves, tears racing  
  
down their cheeks. Mothers and fathers keeping brave faces. It seemed like  
  
among them, she was alone.   
  
Luka disappeared down into the plane, a tall, strecthed out shadow.  
  
Turning to head back to the cab, she saw his coat thrown haphazardly   
  
over a chair. Abby threw it over her arm and walked away from the window,  
  
in time to miss the plane taking off into the sky. 


	2. Falls on Me

"Why are you doing this to me!" she yelled louder and louder each time   
  
someone took a breath. "WHY!"  
  
Susan took a step forward, resting a hand on her shoulder."Abby?"  
  
Abby shrug off the kind gesture, running out into the ambulance bay.  
  
Carter just leaned against the desk.  
  
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i feel like a pain   
  
it draws me in again  
  
sqaushes all my worst of me   
  
darkness in my veins   
  
I never could explain   
  
and i wonder if you have ever seen   
  
and still believe   
  
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The words echoed in her head, over and over.  
  
"They said someone died. A Kovac?"   
  
Over and over. Abby knelt down in front of the hospital, hands on her  
  
ears. Making the voice quiet. Her shoulders, her back, her body shook  
  
with sobs.  
  
"Did you know him? Was he a good man?"  
  
She made herself vomit, wretching in her head, in ears, anything to   
  
block the voices. Abby threw up till her throat was raw, her eyes were   
  
burning, and she weaved back and forth like she was drunk."Who needs help..  
  
with a patient? Anyone?"  
  
"Go home, Abby" Gallant stepped forward. She recognized his face. That was  
  
Gallant's big boy face. Trying to be the brave one military man face.  
  
And she challenged him.  
  
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am I that strong   
  
to carry on   
  
have i changed your life   
  
have i changed my world  
  
could you save me ahhhhha   
  
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No matter how hard she stared, Carter kept dancing circles around her.  
  
When she finally gathered up the courage to talk to him, he was gone.  
  
Gone. Not even a shadow, haunting the corners of her brain, of her heart.  
  
"He..went after Luka" Randi bit her bottom lip, eyes darting away from  
  
Abby's piercing eyes."He said to give you this". She handed Abby the carefully  
  
creased and delicately closed envelope.  
  
"Fuck it" Abby muttered, shredding the letter in her hands.  
  
"I was lost, now I'm found"  
  
No one stopped her from running out of the hospital. No one moved. They  
  
stood and watched. Watched and just waited for her to leave before  
  
the whispering started. Abby knew. She had done it herself.  
  
Talked about the person with the broken heart behind their backs. Made  
  
their life more sensational than it was, anything for a thrill.  
  
She hated herself then.  
  
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You see me hanging round   
  
starting to swear about this black hole of a dark field   
  
and silently within hands touchin skin sharp   
  
breaks my disease and i can breath   
  
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Abby sat. Sat and shivered, arms hugging herself,clinging hard to any warmth  
  
that was left.  
  
It was like the cement steps leading up to Luka's apartment were sponges,   
  
sucking the life and heat from her body. Taking her away, too, just like  
  
his passion and drive had taken him away from her.   
  
She sat and waited.   
  
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and all of your ways   
  
and all that you dream  
  
falls on me   
  
it falls on me   
  
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No one flipped the calendar to the new page. The new month. No one bothered  
  
to answer the phones.   
  
People walked back and forth past Abby. Sometimes they spoke to her. They asked  
  
for her kind words, compassion, they asked her to heal them. She nodded. She  
  
bandaged. And she waited.  
  
Her mother would have told her her eyes were dead. She was cold to the world.  
  
There was no life there anymore. And Abby had set up her answer already.  
  
There was no reason to be alive. There was no reason to stay in this gray, dark,  
  
wet hell, and wait to die.  
  
"Abby! Phone! It's Carter!" 


End file.
